


An Honest Mistake

by Vagrant_Blvrd



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe- GTA V, Gen, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 04:26:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18887161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vagrant_Blvrd/pseuds/Vagrant_Blvrd
Summary: “’Come to Los Santos’ they said,” Johnny mutters, sliding over the hood of a car belonging to the asshole who stopped in the middle of a crosswalk. “’You’ll love it here!’”





	An Honest Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Because [these](https://roosterteeth.com/episode/let-s-play-2018-the-greatest-mugger-who-ever-lived-gta-v) [two](https://roosterteeth.com/episode/let-s-play-2019-gta-v-5-18) videos exist. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

“’Come to Los Santos’ they said,” Johnny mutters, sliding over the hood of a car belonging to the asshole who stopped in the middle of a crosswalk. “’You’ll love it here!’”

There’s honking and yelling, whole lotta swearing. Loud roar of choppers overhead. A fucking SUV right smack in his way and some rich son of a bitch on his phone.

Johnny lost his knife who knows when, but the idiot’s too stupid to have his doors locked and it’s easy as hell to pop the door open and drag him out of his gas-guzzling monstrosity.

“’Easy pickings out here’, they said,” Johnny continues, heart racing, pulse pounding. All sorts of adrenaline and _ohshitohshitohshit_ to it as he slams the SUV in reverse and takes off down the road. “’You’ll make more here in a week than you would in a month anywhere else!’”

A glance to the rearview shows the rich sum bitch chasing after him shaking his cellphone in anger and what the hell is wrong with people here? 

Johnny makes it half a block before something swoops down from above and something jolts the SUV, ear-piercing shriek of metal on metal and he slams on the brakes. Stares in disbelief as the heavy hook off a Cargobob slides into view in front him, momentum swinging it back into the windshield to shatter it.

“ _Jesus fuck_ ,” he hisses, throwing his arms up as safety glass hits him, showering over the inside of the SUV.

There are dark shadows overhead, more Cargobobs circling like something out of a fucked up nature documentary.

He watches one of the Cargobobs peel off from the pack to come around for another try at the SUV and fumbles for the gearshift to throw the SUV into reverse. Straightens out and makes for a side street. The buildings are too close together for the Cargobobs to get him and hopefully it will buy him time to think.

“’The weather’s fantastic’, they said!” Johnny yells, cursing everyone who convinced him Los Santos was better than Liberty City. “Goddamned sunshine all the fucking time!”

That one’s paraphrased, but who the hell cares?

Mug the wrong guy one and suddenly you’re being hunted by insane assholes in goddamned Cargobobs, what the fuck?

He can hear _music_ , some classical piece he’s sure he’s heard in a movie or other before one of the assholes is blaring through speakers (do they come standard with Cargobobs or did those crazy bastards install them?), and swears he can hear the assholes laughing.

The SUV shoots out of the side street and Johnny’s back in the open, Cargobobs above and slightly behind him. Slow, heavy. Clumsy handling and he’s got the slightest edge here. Drives on the sidewalks to stick close to the buildings, feels like the stupid bastard who makes all the wrong decisions as he makes a break for the highway.

Almost goes off an overpass to avoid one of the Cargobobs catching up to him and screams like an idiot when another rises into view like goddamned Godzilla rising out of the ocean in front of him.

Full-on terrified screeching as he yanks the wheel around hard and stays on the road.

“So many goddamned opportunities out here they said!” Johnny shrieks. “You’ll be living one easy street before you know it!’”

Johnny’s being chased by psychos in Cargobobs and there aren’t any cops. 

_Where the fuck are the cops?_

Is this just something that happens in this city? Steal a bag of chips at the gas station they’re all over your ass, but they're fine with people playing blood sports in the streets?

What the _fuck?_

Johnny’s got the gas pedal through the fucking floor but the SUV is big and heavy and slow as shit and the highway was a bad choice because he’s being chased by helicopters.

“Fucking fuck,” he mutters, swerving around a minivan, a fucking station wagon, all the fucking soccer moms out for a leisurely drive on the fucking highway. 

The SUV shudders as another Cargobob’s hook rams into the side of it, and Johnny barely keeps from slamming into the side rail from the impact. Another hit, another close call, and then one of the fuckers sets down in the middle of the highway ahead of him.

Johnny thinks about it, for a moment. 

Imagines keeping his foot to the pedal and going out in a blaze of glory, taking one of them with him - 

And then the SUV shudders again, godawful sound of the hook scraping over the roof and - 

_Fuck_.

\- punches through, tearing through the roof until it snags on something and the SUVs front tires come off the road, just enough.

For a moment Johnny thinks it won’t stick, that the hook has to tear through the roof, drop the SUV, but he’s never been that lucky. Of course the hook stays firmly where it is. Somehow lifts a monster SUV into air like it’s the easiest thing in the world from that single tenuous point of contact, why the hell not.

Johnny Sighs as he takes his foot off the gas, sits back in the seat and gives the fuck up because this city makes no fucking sense and everything is meaningless.

Watches the ground get further and further away and regrets ever thinking the douchey looking guy with the gold-framed sunglasses looked like an easy target.

He’s not even annoyed when they drop him in the ocean. Just squeezes through the broken windshield when the SUV settles on the ocean floor and swims to the surface.

The Cargobobs are circling overhead like vultures, and for a moment Johnny thinks they’re about to start round two of his very, very bad day. Fucked up version of bobbing for apples or who knows that, but to his surprise they turn around and head back to the city. 

Johnny treads water as he watches them go and realizes he’s looking a gift horse in the mouth because they could have fucking killed him a dozen times over by now if they wanted. Had more than enough chances to, and once they had him hooked, they could have dropped the SUV somewhere less forgiving than the ocean.

“Fucking Christ,” he says, thinking about all the ways they could have killed him and didn’t.

Thinking about how he’s going to get the fuck out of Los Santos as quickly as possible because fucking fuck this place and everyone in it. He’ll take Liberty City and its shitty weather over this place any day.


End file.
